November132012
Well, We’ve had our fight for November, let’s hope we skip the January one. It’s pretty bad that we have a fight schedule but it seems they come every year around the same cycle. Some are small, some are huge(like this one) but this one might be almost as bad as the one we had 2 April’s ago.. I think the issue is we operate in very different ways while fighting. When I get mad, I’d rather confront someone, get the fight out in the open, have them say they never did that or explain why they did it then work it out while the friend I usually fight with would rather ignore it happened and keep it all inside while throwing passive aggressive hints around until the other person finally figures it out or she gets over it without ever letting them know she was mad. Now I’m not saying that either method is better or worse, both are decent ways to deal with things. But one way, the fight can be over in a day if both parties co-operate and it weeds out misunderstandings from actual reasons to be mad, but it’s brutal and angry and can get a bit crazy but both people feel better quicker. The other way, the wronged person who is mad to begin with stays mad for a week or more but holds it inside and it usually just fizzles out without any blow up at all but usually the person that the mad person was mad at doesn’t even know they were being mad and might just think it’s early pms until that situation gets brought up in another fight and then the person is confused and angry that the mad person didn’t let them know they were mad and then both parties are mad again for another week… so yeah.. both methods are pretty bad.. and that’s the problem we seem to have every time. Maybe one day we will learn how to respond to each other in better ways so that this doesn’t happen anymore. We both need to understand that we fight differently and learn to accept the others method or we need to consciously change our methods in our anger towards each other or this will just keep happening. For example, my friends method hurts me because I feel as if I have to constantly pick up on little hints so eventually it makes me feel that every little thing she says is a hint and when you’re constantly trying to figure out a puzzle that you don’t have all the pieces for, you go a bit crazy and want to just throw the puzzle off of a bridge in frustration. But my method probably hurts her because she doesn’t like confrontation and I get very angry very fast. I say things that I really don’t mean in any way shape or form and then I realize very fast that I didn’t need to be that angry and when I apologize she tends to still be mad and not answer which makes me angry again after I’ve already calmed down and then I’m even more angry than I was before and it’s an escalating cycle that must be very hard for her to deal with. We are the same in a lot of ways, but this is one of the ways that we clash and harm each other in big ways. I wish I had an answer for how to fix this constant problem. If anyone has a suggestion, I’m all ears.
June132012
Never need you again, because I don’t feel like seeing the aftermath on tumblr when things that are important to me come up. And the reason I say “emergency” is because if I’m not dying, having major issues with lilly such as her needing to go to the hospital, or bleeding out of every hole in my body, you don’t answer you’re phone. I’m passive aggressive? But you are too.. And possibly worse. I’m passive aggressive to your face at least instead of just posting it all over the internet and hoping that you happen to see it, know it’s about you, and change your behavior with out me letting you know what is wrong. Oh, and I would never ignore you the way you ignore me. If you EVER need help, I’m always right there for you no matter what is going on in my life. Unless my phone is dead, not on me, or I’m at work, I always answer and if I don’t, you can call alex’s phone and you know that he’ll answer and hand the phone to me. Even if it’s the most unimportant “emergency” in the world to me, I’d still treat it like a hospital trip if it was important to you. Because I care. Because to me, you’re family. And I just wish we were your family too. Family doesn’t do this shit. And sorry for the stress I’ve caused, sorry my life became hard and I thought I had someone to rely on, it won’t happen again. Thanks for helping those few times, I really appreciate that. But I don’t appreciate the complaints posted all over the internet and having it thrown in my face constantly. Guess we’ll talk whenever you’re ready to stop doing the same shit that you always do and that always makes us fight.
May172012
but I don’t even have anything to write about… I feel like I’m losing myself, losing my sanity, losing my life.. All I can think about is what lilly needs, what alex needs, what we all need combined, getting a job, him getting a job, getting my real estate license, trying to kick start our life.. And every day seems to just get shorter and shorter and it’s like I don’t have any time but I also have all the time in the world.. And despite Alex reassuring me that I’m doing ok and I’m on the right track and that I’m amazing in every way, I feel like I’m lacking in so many areas.. I’m sure I’ll feel less depressed after I get a job and have some money in my pocket.. Need something soon.. =/
May102012
Couldn’t stop crying as I watched this amazing mother tell her story.. It must have been so hard for her to go through all of this, but she proved to be so strong.. Definitely restores hope after reading about that bitch that killed her normal beautiful baby boy because he interrupted her farmville game.
1PM
“When adults say, “Teenagers think they are invincible” with that sly, stupid smile on their faces, they don’t know how right they are. We need never be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken. We think that we are invincible because we are. We cannot be born, and we cannot die. Like all energy, we can only change shapes and sizes and manifestations. They forget that when they get old. They get scared of losing and failing. But that part of us greater than the sum of our parts cannot begin and cannot end, and so it cannot fail.”
Looking For Alaska (via hiddensecretsofthesoul)
<3
(via itsmorethanyouaskedfor)
